10 Things That Happened Since We Last Talked

It seems that no matter how many blogs I start and stop, I always come back to this one. It's home, I suppose. My constant. No real theme, just life. And I like it that way.

So much has happened since I last wrote.

1. I lost my job. It was difficult, and hurtful, and I'm still reeling from the sudden change.

2. I decided to stay home for now, and it has been the BEST decision. I'm really loving it.

3. I took a 12-hour-per-week "job" at a Mom's Day Out program. It's basically a chance for Maple and I to get out of the house a couple times a week, and it's working really well. I love the kids/babies I work with, and the supportive and loving atmosphere of the ministry is exactly what I needed after the fallout with my previous job.

4. Hubby and I decided to do a part-time internship at our church. If you haven't heard, The Life Church is AWESOME! Here's a video that depicts exactly what we're about: video. Yeah, B and I are pretty stoked about being a part of changing this city. We (The Life Church) will be feeding over 1,000 children in our city by the end of the year. Yeah, you read that right. There is so much more to say about this. More to come...

5. Chloe started Kindergarten. She is soooo cut out for the classroom setting. Lots of routine. Lots of rules like, "You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit." Or, "Hand on your hips and finger on your lips." She goes around the house trying to get Maple to follow suit... Maple isn't as happy to comply as her older sister is.

6. I'm selling my art. Well, I'm attempting to. I have sold one piece of refinished furniture, and I have a festival coming up in a couple weeks. I'm a little bit super excited.

7. Hubby tore his ACL in a basketball game. I waited on him hand and foot for about a week; then I said, "Get your booty off the couch and do something with your life!"... Okay, the truth is that he is so eager to be self-reliant again that he's not going nearly as slowly as I would like. He pushes himself in physical therapy, and his bum knee has barely slowed him down at all. He's pretty awesome.

8. Chloe will be five soon. *sigh*

9. We got a dog. Her name is Sophie. At the Animal Shelter, they named her "Trouble." Now I know why. You can read more about Sophie here.

10. I suppose I'm blogging again. That's noteworthy, right?

Spent

"Work/life balance."

"Have it all."

"The best of both worlds."

"Working mom."

What a load of crock.

Sorry.

It has been a rough week.

But honestly, are there any mom's in the world who are happy with this new "normal"? Get up early to get just a few minutes of quiet. Rush to get the kids clean, dressed, fed, and out the door. Oh, and they should probably be happy. Yeah. That's important.

Sit at a desk all day, working for a paycheck.

Go home, exhausted. Figure out what's for dinner. Play with the kids. Try to stay engaged and upbeat (at least until bedtime). Clean up after dinner. Make sure everybody has clean clothes for the morning. Take the dog for a walk. Maintain a decent conversational flow with the husband. Try to stay awake past 9pm. Have s*x (even if you're exhausted, because it's what good wives do). Close your eyes and then remember - forgot to let the dog out one last time. Get up, let the dog out. Check email, just in case. Fight the dog as she goes back in her crate. Crash into bed. Realize it's midnight, and you will only be getting 5 hours of sleep tonight.

Start it all over again the next morning.

Really?

This is the dream?

This is "having it all"?

REALLY???!

Okay, in all fairness, I have it easy for a "working mom."

My office pays a nanny to watch the kids right down the hall from me. I get to see them whenever I want.

I have two beautiful, healthy, well-adjusted little girls who are (mostly) easy to parent.

Sweet Hubby does more than most men I know for the home and family. (I can't even remember the last time I had to wash dishes or do laundry.) Plus, since he's a teacher, he comes and gets the girls from work 2-3 days a week in the summer.

My job is from 8:30-4:30, with very flexible paid time off.

Our dog has a nice big back yard she can run around in (and burn off some energy).

But even more than that...

I have clean water to drink and bathe in.

I sleep in air conditioned comfort.

I have healthcare and doctors who are well trained.

I have food in my pantry.

I have a bed.

I have a roof.

I have a family who loves me.

I have friends who support me.

I realize. I do. That there is so much to be grateful for.

But I'm spent.

Every last penny of energy, ability, willingness - spent.


But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Here we go again...

I'm starting a new blog. Again.

I have actually been working on it for the past several weeks (hence, the lack of updates here), and I'm super excited about it.

No worries, folks. My12hats is sticking around for days when I want to write about family or spiritual stuff.

But I'm turning my focus to... well... cooking. Yum!

To hear about my new "friendship" with Paula Deen, go here: http://kitchinbliss.blogspot.com.

As always, thanks for stopping by!

The late sleeper and the early riser.

It's 5:30am, and I'm just finishing my first cup of coffee. Maple stayed up late last night; so she won't be awake for a while.

Oh, nothing in our schedule changed.

Around 6:45pm we started putting on PJ's and washing hands and faces. Brushing teeth. Giving kisses. Quieting down.

By 7:15pm, both girls were in the bed. Lights out.

Around 7:30pm, I heard Maple singing and kicking the wall. Nothing new. She often sings herself to sleep (much to the chagrin of her older sister, with whom she shares a room).

Around 8:00pm, I heard a bump in the night. Since I was drowning in a sea of half-folded clothes, I yelled, "Get back in bed!" Silence.

A few more bumps. A few more threats. This is better than last night, I thought. Last night, I caught her sneaking out of her bedroom on all fours, flashlight in hand, crawling into the playroom.

Finally, around 10:00pm, I went to check on them before heading going to sleep myself. As part of our nightly routine, the girls and I tidy up their room. Books in place. Dirty clothes in the basket. Shoes in the closet.

Imagine my surprise when I open the door to this:



I left her there for a while. I knew daddy would come in soon and check on them, and I wanted to make sure he got the same chuckle I did. Ah, the joys of raising a toddler.

But now it's 5:33am. Not even the birds are stirring yet. It's 50 degrees outside, and there is a light breeze. I'm making hot chocolate and taking a few quilts outside to the lawn chairs.

I've been missing Chloe these days. I mean, we have been together, in location. But I'm feeling a bit disconnected from her. I want to know her little heart, and I want her little heart to know she is important to me.

So at 5:45, I'm going to sneak into her room and stroke her hair. I'm going to whisper for her to come down out of the top bunk. I'm going to help her slide her arms through her jacket sleeves and slide her little toes into a pair of pink socks.

And we're going to watch the sun rise.

Thank you, Jesus, for early mornings.

Say THAT five times fast...

Lord, thank you for freedom. Thank you that I walk in victory. Thank you that, in you, I am the head and not the tail. I am above and not beneath. Thank you that, by your stripes I am healed and set free.

I am a daughter of the High King. A princess in the Heavenly royal court. My inheritance is eternity, freedom, power, victory.

I wear the Helmet of Salvation. My mind is protected from bondage, deceit, malice, judgment - anything less than the freedom that comes through salvation.

I wear the Breastplate of Righteousness. Christ is holy; therefore I am holy. Christ is righteous; therefore I am righteous. Accusations from my past, words and judgments and old reputations - they are powerless. They hit my breastplate - the righteousness I wear in Christ, my undeniable right-standing with God - and they dissipate, evaporate, like they never existed.

I wear the Shoes of the Gospel of Peace, leaving footprints of Jesus' blood - evidence of His love and mercy - everywhere I step. My footing is sure, my steps deliberate, and my path laid before me by the Holy Spirit. I do not fear a stumble or a fall, for whether I sit or stand, walk or crawl, run ahead or lag behind, I carry Christ's gospel - the power of grace, mercy, and forgiveness - with me.

I hold in front of me the Shield of Faith. I am not afraid to advance, to step onto the field of battle, to move forward into unknown territory. Because of faith, I am allowed to love without regret. Because of faith, I can hope without fear. Because of faith, I move forward in this knowledge - if God is for me, who can stand against me?

In my right hand, I hold the Sword of the Spirit - the Word of God. It is the double-edged sword that both pierces through my own masks and fears and assumptions, and also cuts off the heads of the giants and the serpents. The truth of this sword cuts to pieces the lies of my enemies. It changes my position from offense to defense. I am not a victim; I am a victor. I am no longer under attack; I am the attacker. I am no longer the prey; I am the hunter.

With this armor, I am victorious. As a daughter of the King, THIS is my inheritance. Through Christ, THIS is my right. I am free. I am free. I am free.

Do I live a life that requires God?

This question has been haunting me over the past few weeks.

So much of my life is manageable. Doable. Acheivable. Feed the kids. Wash the clothes. Put gas in the car. Be nice at work. Be nice at home. Make the beds. Answer the emails. Cook the meals. Play the games.

Sure, there are days when that list seems overwhelming. Still, it's just... life.

I am not attempting anything daring or impossible. Nothing out of my comfort zone or beyond my own strength.

Out of obedience to the Lord, I am getting up early (most mornings), cleaning out the junk (except in my car), eating healthier (at breakfast), and shutting my mouth (except when I'm not).

These things seem so simple. Manageable. Doable. Acheivable.

Until they're not.

Until I forget that I need Him.

Until I stop spending my early mornings with him.

Until I think for one moment that I'm strong enough to do these manageable, doable, acheivable tasks on my own.

And the things is - from the outside looking in - a day when I rely on Him doesn't look much different from a day when I do.

My car still gets messy. I still fall asleep on the couch too early. I still down half a pan of monkey bread all by myself. Emails go unanswered. Things get said that shouldn't.

Technically speaking, my days with Him aren't very different from my days without Him.

Except for two things. Two things that, for me, make all the difference in the world.

Two things: grace and hope.

Grace reassures me of His love, despite my failures. Grace picks me up and dusts me off and tells me that all fall short. All. Everybody. Including me. Especially me.

Grace reminds me that I'm not known for my shortcomings. I'm known by His gift. His life. His sacrifice. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Grace tells me who I am, regardless of what I do.

And hope...

Hope lifts my head. Hope directs my sight. Hope shows me what is possible in Him. Hope reminds me that today is only a moment - and tomorrow has great promises.

Hope means I won't always be overweight. My home won't always be a wreck. My words won't always get me into trouble. My life won't always be an unfinished list.

The harsh truth is that without grace and hope, I fail. The harsher truth is that with grace and hope, I fail.

But with God's grace, today's failures don't define me. And with God's hope, tomorrow's successes are possible.

So, yes, I need God today. Even if it's just to organize a closet. Even if it's just to get dinner on the table on time. Even if it's just to live life.

Especially if it's just to live life.

5:45am

It's Saturday morning, and I am awake at 5:45am. There was a time in my life that I would have thought such an early Saturday morning was downright ungodly.

But now... now I revel in the cool, dark, quiet house that eases me into the day. It's as if I have been transported to another dimension - one where adults are allowed to finish a cup of coffee, or a chapter in a book, or (oh Heaven!) a blog. In this world, house work is easy and quick. Time with the Lord and in the Word is uninterrupted. The soul is soothed by the sound of the clocks ticking, the fan whirring, and the deep breathing of little ones in their beds.

I love that when Maple (always the early riser) stumbles out of her room and shields her eyes from the lamp light, I am there to greet her with a smile and a cuddle. I love that I have had time to gather my wits and determine that today - this morning - will not be rushed or stressful.

Bags are often packed before little feet hit the carpet. Breakfast is enjoyed together at the table. Getting dressed becomes a game and an excuse to snuggle. Fixing hair (no longer a race to remove tangles) is a discussion about hair styles and which bow matches.

I feel like I can breathe. Like I can love. And it's all because of 5:45 on a Saturday morning.

Not every morning is like this. I still have morning when fight to get out of bed before 7:15am. I still have mornings where I hit the snooze button more often than I should. And I still have mornings that are full of "hurry up" and "why aren't you dressed yet?"

But those rushed and fitful mornings only make me more grateful for right now. For sitting on my couch with a cup of coffee. For blogging. For listening to the birds and the clocks and the deep breathing. For peace.


Psalm 143:8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.