Life starts again...

So I suppose this will be the norm for a little while - this whole only blogging enough to not feel like a total loser, but not quite often enough to call myself a true "blogger." Such is life.

The Flu Disaster of 2009 has finally passed. I cross my fingers and toes while knocking on wood as I type that statement because it seems like every time I say something like that, that nasty bug comes back with a vengeance. But, three weeks, two doctor's visits, and a busted eardrum later, I think I can finally say "goodbye" to all that has held me back over the last 20 days.

Actually, it's been fading into a memory for two or three days now. But because I have been sitting on my bedonka-donk for three week, my house (quite literally) was starting to fall apart at the seams. I still have a couple days' work before I can consider myself "caught up," but at least we're back in the "livable" phase of housework.

But I can't completely blame the Flu and the Housework for my lack of posts. As I have mentioned before, I really feel as if the Lord is using this time in Korea to teach me about the Hidden Things. As much as I would like to tell you that I am discovering "hidden things" in the Word and in Him, that's not so much what this lesson has been about (so far?).

This lesson has been about my hidden things - the areas in my heart and life that probably aren't designed to be shared with the world. I've been in this "seminar" long enough to know that there are things in my life and in my relationship with the Lord that are intended to remain private, secret, and even hidden. However, I haven't been here long enough to actually learn what those things are.

Wow. I don't think I've ever written a more vague paragraph in my life.

Basically, here's where it's at: Until I know what should be discussed, I might not be discussing much. Sorry in advance.

However, despite this new lesson in privacy, I have decided to blog about an area that I have always to considered too private for the likes of my public blog: my weight.

That's right, y'all. I'm putting it alll out there. Ok. Well. Maybe not alll... like, um, my actual weight. Yeah, if I ever punch those numbers into the keyboard, you can assume my mind has been captured by miniature space invaders. Send help.

What I will write about is my next phase in life - the phase I like to call the "Finally Taking Care of Myself" phase. To Be Continued...

24 Hour Frenzy...

Sometime yesterday afternoon, this cruel sinus infection gave way to a sudden jolt of "nesting" instincts.

In the last 24 hours, I have...

...cleaned the laundry room from floor to ceiling.
...completed 4 loads of laundry, start to finish.
...scrubbed the entire bathroom, fumes be darned.
...swept, mopped, scrubbed, and wiped every inch of the porch.
...purged the books, toys, and magazines in the living room.
...dusted/windex'd all shelves and drawers in the entertainment center (plus all electronics).
...rearranged entertainment center drawers (much to the chagrin of Sweet Hubby).

So after all that, I decided that this mommy deserved a nice long, hot shower. Sure, I had another hour or so of work left to do in the Living Room, but there would still be time before Chloe awoke from her afternoon nap.

Then it happened. Remember that testy little ruptured ear drum? Well, it got wet. That is to say, I completely forgot about it until 2.5 ka-jillion gallons of hot shower water poured into it. Then it became... a little less hard to forget.

So here I am, back on the couch, nursing an achy ear, jaw, and cheekbone and just thinking about all the things I would LIKE to be up doing.

In happier news, my friend Ansley is coming over to hang out this evening. I think perhaps I will ask her to pick up some good ol' American McD's on the way so I don't have to worry about dinner.

Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy and cold. Sounds like the perfect day to start a new book and drink too much hot chocolate. Don't mind if I do.

But I want it MY way....

Ever read one of those books that you just hated because you knew it was right? Yeah, me neither... until now, that is.

As I shared before, I'm making my way through Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald.

Here's today's excerpt from pp. 176-177:

"A third reason prayer comes hard to us is the fact that it seems frequently unrelated to actual results. Lest you think I am guilty of denying a substantial teaching of Scripture, hear me carefully. I do in fact believe that God answers prayer. But most of us have had enough experience to realize that His answers do not always come in forms or on schedules that we would have designed....

"Like others, I have prayed for healings, for miracles, for guidance, and for assistance. Frankly, there were times I was sure God would answer me because I had mustered strong feelings of faith. But many of those times nothing happened -- or if it did, it was entirely unlike what I had anticipated.

"We live in a society that is reasonably organized. Put a letter in the box, and it usually ends up where you want it to go. Order an item on the internet, and it usually comes to you in the right size, color, and model. Ask someone to provide you a service, and it is reasonable to expect that it will work out that way. In other words, we are used to results in response to our arrangements. That is why prayer can by discouraging for some of us. How can we predict the result? We are tempted to abandon prayer as a viable exercise and to try getting the results ourselves.

"But the fact is that my prayer life cannot be directly tied to the results I expect or demand. I have had many opportunities by now to see that the things I want God to do in response to my prayers can be unhealthy for me. I have begun to see that worship and intercession are far more the business of aligning myself with God's purposes that asking Him to align with mine."

Well, sure. I needed a kick in the bee-hind today. Thankyouverymuch.

More excuses...

So this whole flu thing has taken several twists and turns before finally landing me with the worst sinus headache I've ever had. This is day 3 of said pain. Each time I think it's gone, when I think I might finally be able to get some things done (i.e. clean, go outside, blog), it just comes right back like a bad enchilada. Ew. Sorry for the visual there.

Since I assume you have no interest in reading about the ins and outs of a nasty sinus infection for which there appears to be no relief, I shall end this rather pitiful excuse for a post rather quickly.

As soon as I have regained control of my senses (and my sinuses) I shall return for bigger and better updates.

*sniffle*

14 days.

14 days ago: Chloe starts sniffling and snorting.
13 days ago: She sneezes in the general direction of my mouth and nose.
12 days ago: I start sniffling and snorting.
11 days ago: Fever and Flu for two, please.
10 days ago: A second serving? Why not.
9 days ago: Fever breaking? Can I dare to hope?
8 days ago: Fever gone, Flu carries on undeterred.
7 days ago: Dear Mr.Flu, you have made me miserable long enough.
6 days ago: Easter Sunday Service, then back in bed (oh! my head!). Contractions start at 9pm.
5 days ago: Contractions stop, but apparently nobody told the baby.
4 days ago: Off to the hospital lickity-split.
3 days ago: Bed rest. Flu is finally subsiding.
2 days ago: Bed rest.
1 day ago: Off bed rest! How about a day outside? What's that? An ear infection on the side? Don't mind if I do.
19 hours ago: Ear infection = ruptured ear drum. Yowza!
10 hours ago: Feeling quite sorry for myself.
6 hours ago: Ansley and EunYoung show up at my door bearing cake and presents. A small surprise baby shower!
2 hours ago: Home from shopping with Ansley and EunYoung. Another piece of cake? I think I've earned it.
Present: Cuddled on the couch with hubby, contemplating taking a couple Tylenol (darn ear) and going to bed.

So, it hasn't been the best two weeks of my life, but I can see many ways in which it could have been much worse.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Ahhhh....the sunshine.... Ahhhhhhhh.... the sunshine....

Nothing much to report today. Since the "issues" that were issuing are no longer issuing, I am officially off bed rest as of 10:00 this morning. Already I have washed two days' worth of dishes, folded three baskets of clothes, hung up one load of laundry, started another load, picked up all the toys (which somehow end up in every far corner and under every piece of furniture in the house), gave Chloe a bath, put her down for a nap, and convinced my husband to make the long trek across the street to deliver our trash to the dumpster.

Now, though I am nowhere near catching up housework from a week of the flu and a week of pregnancy issues, I am taking a moment to sit on my couch and listen to the quiet rhythms of our home. Hubby is going to Seoul for some ministry stuff today, and as I type this, I hear his footsteps fading into the corridor and down the stairs that lead outside. The washing machine in humming away as if to say "Don't you worry your sweet little self about this here laundry. You just sit there and enjoy a second cup of coffee while I wash these here socks for you, bless your heart." (I realize she's a Korean machine, but in my mind, she will always have a southern accent.) Chloe's sound machine gently pitter-patters the sound of gentle rain on a tin roof. It's just soft enough so that I can still hear her deep breaths as she enjoys her afternoon nap.

The weather is gloomy here. Chilly, overcast, and threatening rain. But I don't mind. Wasn't planning to go anywhere today anyways.

I just wanted to remind myself that, regardless of what difficulties come up (in this case the flu and pre-labor), it doesn't last forever. Soon after those trials fade, life does and will return to the normal, peaceful existence our little family loves.

The last couple weeks have been a bit trying, but today, despite the gloomy skies, I can see the sun coming out again.

"He works all things together for good..."

The last few days have held a flurry of activity in our little home. Sunday night, I started having some fairly regular contractions, and though they had stopped by early Monday morning, they apparently set some things into motion that shouldn't be set for at least another three weeks. After a couple days of waiting and a rather panicked trip to the doctor, it was determined that a couple days of bed rest should put a halt to any further developments. So, here I am, snuggled up on the couch with a cup of hot tea (ok, so it's coffee... but tea sounds so much more sophisticated, don't you think?) a couple good books, and of course, my trusty laptop.

I have been a little concerned all along about the potential of going into labor before my mom arrives. She was/is scheduled to fly into Seoul on May 15, since my due date was/is May 20. But throughout this pregnancy, the baby has measured big and things have consistently happened about a month before they did with my first pregnancy. So I have spent many a sleepless night thinking about the best scenario for our "Plan B," should this little one decide to grace us with her presence earlier than expected.

This has actually been a fairly major worry (and prayer) of mine for the last month or so: What will happen to Chloe if I go into labor before my mom gets here?

We have things in place. Bags are packed. Samonims are on alert. We have an "emergency ride" to the hospital. We have one Samonim who will come over if I go into labor in the middle of the night, and a different Samonim who will come get Chloe if I go in the middle of the day.

Plus, the hospital is a quick 7 minute taxi ride from our home; so once the baby is here, Brandon will be able to come back and care for her (or at least check on her) fairly often.

So I know her physical needs will be met. She will have clothes to wear and food to eat. She will have somewhere to sleep and someone to care for her.

But it's the emotional stuff for which I have been concerned...the little things that make such a huge difference to a two-year-old who is away from family. Can I tell them that she likes peanut butter and bread for breakfast? Or that she has to have her "cloud blanket, big baby, and little baby" in the bed with her when she goes to sleep? Or that Goodnight Moon is her favorite bedtime book?

How will she react when I have to leave her with the Samonim? Will she cry? Will she be worried? Will she be able to communicate her needs to women who barely speak English?

These are the things for which I have spent much time praying. I realize that many of these things are out of my control; and so I must place her into the hands of her Abba.

But this week, I have felt the Lord's grace towards me as a mom. Yesterday, with all its ups and downs, served as a bit of a trial run for labor. I woke up in the morning and, after taking stock of the situation, decided that I would try to leave for the hospital in less than an hour. Brandon called his people, and I called mine. Forty-five minutes later, three Samonims showed up at my door - two to get Chloe, and one to offer translation for me at the hospital. Because of a time conflict, I ended up going to the hospital by myself, but not before walking Chloe upstairs to Samonim's house to see how she would do. I explained to her that mommy had to go visit the doctor and that she was going to stay and play with the other children. She was hesitant at first, but after some bribing in the form of sugary sweets, I was able to leave her (cookie in hand) playing happily with the other children. The whole "good-bye" took less than 2 minutes.

When I arrived home from the hospital (a trip that took a little more than an hour) our senior pastor's wife had already prepared a meal for our family so that I could rest the remainder of the day.

And since I am on bed rest for another 36 hours, the Samonims have divided up shifts to take care of Chloe for me. Again, I didn't know how Chloe would react when one of them showed up at my door this morning to take her to church, but she quickly sat down, put on her shoes, strapped on her backpack, and headed out the door without so much as a "goodbye, mommy."

I was and am so relieved.

I realize there is no substitute for mommy... or daddy... or grandma.... But at least I know she will be ok. She will manage and may even be happy, should I go into labor early.

So with all the stress and concern that happened this week, I see the Lord's hand calming my mommy-heart. He is taking care of Chloe Jane, and He will continue to do so when I am not there to see it.

Welp, I'm off to fold some clothes. It's the only real housework I can do while still sitting on the couch. Good thing I have three baskets-full that need my attention.

Wishing everyone a great day and evening. Toodle pip.