It's 12:14am in Memphis, Tennessee. So many things have happened over the past three weeks that I can hardly decide what to write first. I have a list of things I want to tell you all about: the highs and oh-so-lows of our plane ride to the states, Thanksgiving week in Athens, my first Target run since December of 2008, our cozy little apartment in Memphis, the first two weeks at my new job, the anticipation of Christmas and seeing my sweet hubby for the first time in over a month. So many thoughts swimming around in my head and aching to make their way onto my computer screen.
But, as I said, it's 12:14am, and my littlest one will be awake and hungry in mere hours.
So instead I'll just skip to the thing that has really been consuming my thoughts over these past few days: 2010.
I know, I know. Christmas isn't even here yet. There's still a lot of shopping for presents and stuffing stockings and reading cards and drinking egg nog and singing carols to get done before we start making New Years resolutions.
But I feel that 2010 is will be a special year for me and for our little family.
This is going to sound weird, but I feel as though my years have themes. As I look back, in particular, over the past 5 years, I see a series of lessons and themes that weave their way throughout the weeks and months. I have spent much time this past week thinking and praying over what those years have taught me, and what I can expect for the next one. If I could sum up the past five years in a few (or a lot of) sentences, it would look somthing like this:
2005 was The Year of Intimacy. Spiritually and emotionally speaking, this year was the pits. In the first quarter of the year, we were in an accident that totalled our car and left me in a lot of pain. In the summer, we obediently moved to where the Lord was calling us. For me personally, it was the most difficult move I have ever made. Though I understand now why that move was so significant, at the time, it felt like a very cruel and hurtful trick. In December of that year, I was told in no uncertain terms that I would probably never have children. So why is 2005 called "The Year of Intimacy"? Because that was the year, more than any other year, when I learned to hear God's voice - and feel His peace - in the midst of the raging storm. Never before had I experienced such a difficult year. Never before had I needed so desperately to know God's grace and peace. Never before had I felt His peace and presence in my life, despite my circumstances.
2006 was The Year of Manna. If you don't know, the Hebrew word for Manna literally means "What is it?" You could also call this year The Year of Big Change. That title may surprise some of you, considering how many changes our family has gone through since 2006, but this was the year that set all the other changes into motion. Exactly one month after I sat across from a doctor as she told me my "chocolate chip" ovaries would probably prevent me from ever coneiving, I sat across from another doctor as she confirmed what I had been suspecting for a few days - I was pregnant. I was in school, working full-time, and still trying to recover from 2005. And everything changed. Before I knew it, I had quit school, cut my work hours in half, purchased a second home, took out a loan on a "family car," and - somewhere along the way - grew a baby (plus 49 pounds or so). Changes were happening faster than my little brain could wrap around them, and I had to trust that, though I couldn't see the big picture or know our future plans, God could see and did know. In 2006, I learned to just be obedient TODAY. Be where I'm supposed to be, do what I'm supposed to do, trust the Lord to provide our needs... Today. "Because tomorrow can worry about itself..."
2007 was The Year of the Bad Attitude. Who, me? A bad attitude? Whateverdude. *rolling my eyes* So, a lot happened in 2007. I was totally stoked about spiritual things. Went to this really awesome all-day prayer thingy called "The Call." Got some pretty cool prophetic words about great things the Lord will do in us in the distant future. Heard some great sermons. Traveled long distances to participate in some great worship... I say these things sarcastically, not because they aren't important, but because I was a little bit (or a lot bit) like Joseph with his dreams. I looked wholly and completely at the dreams and visions God had given us for the future... while completely disengaging the here and now. I hated my job. I hated cleaning my house. I hated school. I wasn't a fan of the responsibility that came along with being a wife and mother. I just wanted to, you know, preach and pray and praise and talk about super-spiritual things. All the while, laundry and dishes and dust piled up. As my dad would say, I was "Too Heavenly minded to be any Earthly good." That might offend some folk' out there, but I'm just tellin' it like it is, y'all. And to be honest, there was no great lesson this year. Except, maybe, dreams don't bring home the bacon, amen?
2008 The Year of "Ah-ha!" Pardon the Oprah-esque nominclature, but if I had a penny for every time I learned something new that year, I'd have, like 100 pennies. Don't laugh, dude, that's a double cheeseburger at Mickey D's, yo. January of 2008 was weird. It was like somebody woke me up from a dream and said, "Hey, your life is falling apart. Shouldn't you, like, fix it or something?" Honestly, I think the Lord opened my eyes to some patterns that had emerged (or grown stronger?) in 2007 in my home, my marriage, my spiritual walk, my family. I went to Dr.Z and found out that there was a "disease" in my body that affected the way I functioned. I went to a counselor and realized that there was a "disease" in the way I viewed marriage that affected the way I related to my husband, my home, and even my children. If I could sum up the lessons of 2008 into one phrase it would be, "You got alllllll wrong, guhl." By the end of that year, one thing was very clear to me: My life, our family, our home, it all had some changes that needed to be made. But how?
Enter 2009: The Year of the Reset Button. (I won't repost all that stuff, since this post is already 2 days long and since I just wrote about 2009, like, a month ago.)
So here we are... 2010... and what's in store for next year, God willing? Stay tuned to find out...
Seriously though... come back soon... I'll tell you about 2010 goals, like, soon...
You're coming back, right?