This question has been haunting me over the past few weeks.
So much of my life is manageable. Doable. Acheivable. Feed the kids. Wash the clothes. Put gas in the car. Be nice at work. Be nice at home. Make the beds. Answer the emails. Cook the meals. Play the games.
Sure, there are days when that list seems overwhelming. Still, it's just... life.
I am not attempting anything daring or impossible. Nothing out of my comfort zone or beyond my own strength.
Out of obedience to the Lord, I am getting up early (most mornings), cleaning out the junk (except in my car), eating healthier (at breakfast), and shutting my mouth (except when I'm not).
These things seem so simple. Manageable. Doable. Acheivable.
Until they're not.
Until I forget that I need Him.
Until I stop spending my early mornings with him.
Until I think for one moment that I'm strong enough to do these manageable, doable, acheivable tasks on my own.
And the things is - from the outside looking in - a day when I rely on Him doesn't look much different from a day when I do.
My car still gets messy. I still fall asleep on the couch too early. I still down half a pan of monkey bread all by myself. Emails go unanswered. Things get said that shouldn't.
Technically speaking, my days with Him aren't very different from my days without Him.
Except for two things. Two things that, for me, make all the difference in the world.
Two things: grace and hope.
Grace reassures me of His love, despite my failures. Grace picks me up and dusts me off and tells me that all fall short. All. Everybody. Including me. Especially me.
Grace reminds me that I'm not known for my shortcomings. I'm known by His gift. His life. His sacrifice. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Grace tells me who I am, regardless of what I do.
Hope lifts my head. Hope directs my sight. Hope shows me what is possible in Him. Hope reminds me that today is only a moment - and tomorrow has great promises.
Hope means I won't always be overweight. My home won't always be a wreck. My words won't always get me into trouble. My life won't always be an unfinished list.
The harsh truth is that without grace and hope, I fail. The harsher truth is that with grace and hope, I fail.
But with God's grace, today's failures don't define me. And with God's hope, tomorrow's successes are possible.
So, yes, I need God today. Even if it's just to organize a closet. Even if it's just to get dinner on the table on time. Even if it's just to live life.
Especially if it's just to live life.