I have a bad attitude. Seriously. That's all there is to it.
It's been in the pits for three days. Behold, it stinketh.
Here's what happened. At least, here's the short version of what happened.
My house was clean after Christmas. (As we have discussed, when I say "clean" I really mean "I-have-kids-and-a-dog-and-an-arts-and-crafts-addiction-so-my-house-is-never-more-than-85%-clean" clean.) But still, it was clean - ya know - for me.
Then we found out we are moving. We don't know when (exactly). We don't know where (at all). We just know that sometime between now and June, we're moving. And suddenly, I have lost control over our year.
And in my attempt to control something, I started cleaning out closets and drawers and attic space.
Then I got sick. In the middle of all the projects. Remember this?
For ten days, I wallowed in feverish, achy agony.
And when the fever and the agony were gone, there lingered a cough and a sinus infection. It still remains.
Then there was a trip to the mountains. Which I loved, but which required the loading and unloading of all the peoples and animals in our home, plus their stuff.
So, basically what I'm saying is that life happened. Nothing terrible or tragic. Nothing life-altering or traumatic. It's just the stuff of life.
But life keeps getting in the way of my plans.
My plan was to eat healthy and homeschool and keep the house clean and always be kind to my husband and never lose patience with my kids and read lots of books about all the things and cook better meals and organize every corner of the house and train the dog not to bolt out the front door and make homemade organic baby food and run a 5k and spend time with Jesus everyday and never get behind on laundry and take meals to people who are sick and develop the important relationships in my life and cultivate new friendships and do. all. the. things.
But life happened. It got in the way.
So now my attitude about life, stinks.
And all this - the stuff of life - is causing me to reevaluate some of my hustle. As much as I would love to cook a healthy, homemade, "real food" meal for dinner every night. Sometimes I'm sick. Or tired. Or busy.
As much as I want to hit the gym everyday, there are days when just taking a shower is an achievement to be celebrated.
As much as I want to have a clean house and creative homeschooling and long conversations with good friends, there are days when clean undies, a few worksheets, and a quick text are all I'm capable of.
And if my plans don't allow life to happen, if my plans get thwarted every time life steps into the game, if my plans make life feel like an interruption... well, maybe I need to change my plans. Because life, it happens. And that isn't going to change.
I don't really have an answer today. Maybe this is just a confession.
My attitude stinks. And somehow I need to figure out how to merge my plans and my life.
In the meantime, my awesomely amazing hubby has taken all three kids to the zoo. So I'm going to get my booty off the couch, throw on some workout gear, and do the kind of cleaning that works up good sweat and counts as fitness points. How's that for merging plans with life?
Hustle on, my friends. Hustle on.