Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Too much or Too Little

So, I may or may not have mentioned that, upon our arrival in the states, I started a new job.

It's full time. My kids come with me. I feel as if I'm using my strengths to make a difference. It's all pretty awesome.

But I don't want to talk about the job... I want to talk about me (as all decent narcissistic bloggers should).

The problem with me in this new job is, well, I'm rather stressed. And when I say rather, I mean super-freakin' terribly stressed. And when I say stressed, I mean come home in tears, wonder if I made the right choice stressed. And the thing is, in the midst of all this new and all this stress and all this work...I forgot...

...I forgot that I don't like the person that I am under stress.
...I forgot that sometimes I get tunnel vision and prioritize finished products over people.
...I forgot that I have a hard time leaving work at work.
...I forgot that making the switch from "boss" at work and "wife" at home is not so easy for me.
...I forgot that sometimes I am too much for people.
...I forgot that sheer willpower isn't always enough.
...I forgot that I am not superwoman.

I forgot all those things... until this week.

Then, like a flood of stank-scented reality, I remembered: I really need my friend Jesus.

Because when all the laundry is completed and the kids are bathed, when dinner is on the table and I am at peace, when life is easy and everything is in place, I forget... I forget that I need Him... I forget that, without Him, I am a spiteful, ugly, mean, conceited, self-absorbed sinner.

And when things get tough... and when I forget that I need Him... I start to think that this is who I am. I'm bitter. I'm incapable of handling difficulties. I'm easily angered. I'm difficult to deal with. This is who I am.

So... tonight... as He gently reminds me that, in Him, I am beautiful, and patient, and kind, and tenderhearted, and slow to anger... as He shows me once again that I am only and truly who He tells me I am... I go to sleep with a different view of tomorrow.

In Him, I am bold yet gentle.
In Him, I am strong yet meek.
In Him, I am neither too much nor too little.
In Him, I am called for such a time as this.

Lord, help me remember who YOU say that I am.


DebbieP said...


Starr said...

So good Brandy!! What an encouraging word!!
Blessings to you, My dear friend :)

The Quote That Started It All...

I myself have twelve hats, each one representing a different personality. Why be just yourself? - Margaret Atwood