Ohhhhh bloggity blog blog bloggity blog.... whatever am I going to do with you?
Lots of surface-y things are going on 'round these parts. My friend Superstarr is headed into town this weekend on her way back from visiting kin. Work is going pretty well - I moved offices today. Maple is crawling like her diaper is on fire. Chloe has learned the meaning of a "secret spot" and has taken to hiding her most prized possessions. Sweet Hubby is off at basketball having a guys night.
And me? I'm sitting between the arms of my green comfy chair, listening to the grumble of distant thunder, watching my favorite scene of Julie and Julia (for the ka-jillionth time)... all the while thinking... I should be blogging.
So... here I am... trying to blog it out on the surface. But you know what? That's just not cuttin' it. Because on the surface, life is sweeeeeeeeet. I'm slowly but surely losing weight. My house, while always bombarded by toys and dishes and that one sock that never has a mate, is fairly orderly. My job is improving by leaps and bounds every week. My kids are happy. My husband is enjoying our life here.
It seems I'm the only one who's out of place in this picture.
Waa waa... poor me.
You see, I came to a realization a few weeks back. And since arriving at said realization, it has latched onto me sumthin' fierce and just won't let go.
What I realized was this: I'm not perfect.
I know, I know. I was just as surprised as you are.
(You are surprised, right?)
But that's not all... it gets worse...
I am sometimes so far away from perfect - so far away from what I am supposed to be, from what want to be, from what I am called to be - that I don't even recognize myself.
And I could tell you a million reasons why this particular realization has hit so hard during this season of life.
But the bottom line is this: my very best... everything I have to give...
...my organizational skills.
...my parenting skills.
...my ability to love fiercely.
...my work ethic.
...my quirky style.
...everything that makes me who I am.
...everything that defines me.
...every little thing to which I cling... the things that give me confidence and hope... all those things that set me up for a successful life...
They. Are. Rags.
And that, my friends, is a hard lesson to learn.
To be continued....