I have been a Stay At Home Mom three times in my life.
Once for a year in Korea, where I was a "Samonim" (pastor's wife).
Once for a school year, while Sweet Hubby and I were interning at the Life Church.
Both of those seasons were temporary, and I knew it. I knew that at the end of that year-long season, I would seek employment outside the home. I have never considered being a full-time, long-term SAHM. Ever.
So it has taken quite a mental shift for me to see this whole SAHM gig as a full-time, long-term deal. And, I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I've been treading water.
Because when you know that something is temporary, you are constantly working for the end goal. "When I go back to work, I want to have X, Y, and Z completed at home."
But when there is no end in sight, well, it's like the difference between swimming in a pool and swimming in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight. In one case, you at least know in which direction to head. In the second case, you're really just doing well to keep your head above water. Know what I mean?
So I've spent the past few weeks praying and asking the Lord for vision and purpose in this new, long-term season.
Part of my frustration with staying home as been this: at one point in my life, I was a fairly decent business woman. I had organizational skills out the wazoo... created filing systems... moved personnel around to suit their strengths (and the needs of our department)... stood toe-to-toe with other department heads... set and completed weekly, monthly, and quarterly goals.
I couldn't stand for my desk to be a mess because I knew that a messy desk meant less productivity for me, and more time looking for files and phone numbers. I expected my department to be run in the same way... and I expected everyone in my department to do their part to make sure it happened.
At one point in life, I was good at what I did.
So I have had these two pictures of myself. One - in a work environment where I was on my game, successful, flourishing, organized. And another - at home, in a messy life, with a messy schedule... treading water.
But this past weekend, it was as if Someone took those two pictures in my head and merged them together.
I was good at business because I knew my strengths and I played on them: I was organized. I managed people well. I could see the big picture AND the little details. I saw long-term goals and the short-terms goals we would need in order to reach the long-term ones. I spent TIME and ENERGY planning my days, looking at goals (long and short term), and implementing new systems when the old ones were no longer working.
And for some reason, somewhere along the way, I decided those skills were irrelevant in SAHM-dom.
I know, right?!
So last night after the kiddos were in bed, I decided to put some of my strengths to use. (Oh, the lists!!!)
First stop: revamping the way we use our "extra" money each month... and figuring out how to spend less of that "extra" money so we can make and reach some long-term goals.
Second stop: revamping chores (like I revamped my department) where EVERYONE has a vital role to play as well as daily, weekly, and quarterly goals.
Third stop: revamping our eating with goals to improve our nutrition and cut down on our grocery budget.
I might blog about some or all of the journey. I'll def keep a journal of it for myself (just like I did at the office) so I can keep track of successes and failures and know what works for the future.
At one point in my life, I was successful. I'm ready to do it again. Starting today.