Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Grass is Greener... but full of pesticides...

Well, ya'll, the spit test results are in.

Went to the good ol' doctor yesterday and listened for about an hour as he explained what's wrong with me. (I know what you're thinking... only an hour? tee hee) My cortisol levels are very irregular, as well as other hormone levels. I won't go into all the medical details, but suffice it to say I rarely (if ever) enter into a true REM cycle during sleep because my adrenaline is so high. Hence, the exhaustion and fatigue. =)

So what is the solution? Thank you for asking.

1. Start pregnancy hormone HCG circulating through my body (not sure why).
2. Take 53.2 ka-jillion vitamin supplements.
3. Eat AS MUCH FAT AS POSSIBLE over the next 48 hours.
4. Then eat only 600 calories a DAY for 3 months.

You read that correctly. 600 calories.

Because he can reset my hormone levels as much as I like, but without the weight loss, they will only go back to the high-stress levels.

Still, I cannot lose weight as long as that cortisol is coursing through my body at lightning speed.

So, the good ol' doc has decided that I need to do both at once. Lose weight and get the hormone treatment.

It's going to be an interesting three months, ya'll.

But you may have noticed that I mentioned the next 48 hours. Yes, my friends, over the next 48 hours (while the hormones are making their way through my body) I am supposed to eat as many fattening foods as I can without getting sick.

Pop Corn.

Lots of fat.

Interestingly enough, there is a medical reason for doing this, but I won't go into all that. Suffice it to say, I was THRILLED when I could text my husband yesterday and say, "Pick up some ice cream and brownies on your way home. Doctor's orders. Seriously."

But it is in this 2-day binge that I have come to an interesting hypothesis: My desire to eat fattening foods and make unhealthy choices is purely psychological. Interpretation: I want them more when I know I'm not supposed to have them.

Here is what I mean. In the past, I have forced myself to eat a salad for dinner when everyone else is eating yummy home cookin'. I have barely been able to swallow a fruit smoothie for breakfast instead of a bowl of cereal or grits.

But suddenly, doctor's orders are for me to eat LOTS of home cookin' and sausage biscuits. And with these new instructions, I now desire the healthy stuff. While making Spaghetti and meatballs for dinner last night, I bemoaned to myself, "I am really in the mood for a salad tonight. Why do I HAVE to eat spaghetti?"

Seriously, ya'll.

And while I had no complaints about eating ice cream and brownies after dinner, when I woke up this morning and HAD to eat a chick-fil-a biscuit with sweet tea, I had to fight the urge to complain about the fact that I COULDN'T eat a grapefruit.

Once again, I'm serious.

What is wrong with this picture?

This whole experience has exposed me to a new truth - a revelation, if you will. I always desire what I cannot have.

And I think this applies to areas other than food too.

Why can't my home look more like that one?
Why can't my body look more like that one?
Why can't my hair be curly?
Or blond?
Why can't I have that job?
Why can't I have that accent (seriously, I've thought this)?

Waaa Waaa Waaa.... POOOOR POOOOOR ME...

When the fact is that, perhaps what I am eating now is exactly I would be desiring were I eating that instead.

Did that make sense?

Because if a doctor came to me and said, "You can eat anything that you want for two days"... honestly, my diet probably wouldn't change much. I might eat more sweets than are good for me, but that would be countered with lots of yummy fruits and veggies that I love.

I think the same is true about my life. While I might tend to complain about where I'm at, what I look like, what I'm doing... the fact is that, if the Lord put me in front of a smorgasbord of life and said, "Pick whatever you want, and I will give it to you," honestly, there might not be too much I would change.

And so this is the revelation that all this junk food has brought about... God really knows what is best. He not only gives me what I need, but He also gives me what I don't even know I want.

And so my goal for the week... and for the next three months... is to complain less, even with the Lord.

I am going to eat what I have been instructed to eat. I am going to work where I have been instructed to work. I am going to live where I have been instructed to live. And I am going to Move where I have been instructed to Move.

And I'm going to do it all without complaint.

Because, in the end, I know it's the results I want... even if the process isn't.

Well, ya'll... I'm off to get a double cheeseburger from McD's... Doctor's orders, ya know.


Natalie @ I AM (not) said...

Wow, you have a lot to do! 600 calories! I'll be praying for you!!

And the homeschool thing: We've been doing is for a few years now. I highly recommend it. If you want to read some great stuff on homeschooling go to
She is SUPER!

superstarr said...

So did you and Kim colaberate your blogs today--- I get the picture-- be okay with where you are at!!
No, really, this is good, I could use this-- no more complaining, maybe we can both help eachother out with this.

Debbie said...

Philippians 2:12-16

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed–not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence–continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
14Do everything without complaining or arguing,
15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe16as you hold out[1] the word of life–in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing

This is something I need to hear on a DAILY basis! Thanks for sharing Brandy!

Have you ever considered writing a book? Seriously, you are a phenomenal writer!

Debbie C. said...

Sounds like your results were very similar to mine except (and it's a big exception) you are alot younger and the pregnancy hormone can help. I do know a little about this. The progesterone (preg. hormone) actually competes with cortisol in our bodies, so having more progesterone will make the cortisol lower. Does that make sense? Also, our fat cells retain estrogen and that also affects progesterone levels. So, he's trying to get you to the place where you have more progesterone in your body all the way around. Which in turn keep cortisol at bay. Eat up my friend and enjoy the next couple of days. Then, it's on to the hard stuff. I just wish I had gotten a solution for my problems. He has no idea why I'm producing so much cortisol. Oh well... maybe I'll go for a hamburger and a shake and think about it!!

Kim Heinecke said...

SIX HUNDRED calories? I would have punched someone...

good post - great truth here.

The Quote That Started It All...

I myself have twelve hats, each one representing a different personality. Why be just yourself? - Margaret Atwood